The Snip

"The greatest pleasure is to vanquish your enemies and chase them before you, to rob them of their wealth and see those dear to them bathed in tears, to ride their horses and clasp to your bosom their wives and daughters," Genghis Khan did decree.

Russian scientists believe, based on their genealogical calculations, that 200,000 of Mongolia’s 2 million citizens descended from Genghis Khan. Now, the raping and pillaging must have been fun and all that, however, having to stock and maintain peace within his harem must’ve been a huge taxation on his time. Instead of being constantly bedazzled for choice and attempting to appease his preferred cohorts, he could have spent his time working on improving a favourable public image which, I’m sure we all agree, has taken a momentous knock in the centuries after his death. And it would have been rather uncomfortable repeatedly explaining the awkwardly tangled branches of the family tree to your grandson Kublai.

Every leader has an opportunity to leave behind a legacy which takes forward the plight of the people. So the question we need to ask is, aside from a handful of oiled wrestlers working their way onto the Trans World Sports channel, what has Mongolia done for us? Or for themselves? And where would Mongolia be today if Genghis had taken the precaution of having the snip? Just imagine the numbers or embarrassed women who could have been spared the “Genghis Girlie” or “Khan Concubine” misnomers if they could just have limped out the harem, hitched up their deel, pretended nothing ever happened and moved on with their lives.

These thoughts floated through my head as I sat on my gurney having agreed to get the snip over and done with. Sure, I love the idea of a harem in the garden, but with inflation and the reputation of the polygamous South African president the way it is, I say “No thank you kind sir!”

So it was that, I, met Dr Fisher on Monday, was booked in on Thursday and voila! with the efficiency of Chianti-fueled Hannibal Lecter with a steak knife, was snipped before you could say “In Xanadu, did Genghis Khan the use of a stately pleasured-dome decree”.